he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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