We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
