I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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