If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
