You're my little dorito
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
