i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
