I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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