walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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