My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
