Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
