A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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