My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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