I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
