He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
