This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
