for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
