Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
