Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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