i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
