I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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