btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
