I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hippo gnu deer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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