it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He shit in the fireplace
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
