I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
