i barfeds in our rink
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
