I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
