i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
