hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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