So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
