Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
