You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
