turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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