I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
