Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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