doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
