i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
