Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
