just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
