I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
50% drunk capacity currently
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
