I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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