Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
