Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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