Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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