The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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