If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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