If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize