So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
