Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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