if you like me you must not know who I am
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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