On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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