You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize