He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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