So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
