My first STD was from a foam party
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
