I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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