Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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