brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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