i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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