Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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