I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
