i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
