I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
