about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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