his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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