You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How's work?
Spinning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
