Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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