You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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