My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
