I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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