he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize